anyone else have this problem? April 28, 2008
Posted by KSC in lawyer, professional.trackback
I find it deeply disturbing when people older than I am address me as “sir.” I ain’t no “sir,” I’m a kid from Buffalo who’s managed to luck his way into a prestigious profession. Well, maybe not all by luck, but my point is that while I wasn’t poor growing up, I came from modest means, and I am very aware of the class distinctions.
This is difficult when I deal with clients in the south, for whom “Sir” and “Ma’am” are reflexive. At our own offices, I recently spoke with someone in the National Lit. Support department in Doral, FL who apologized for NOT addressing me as “Mr.”! And this morning, I think I committed something of a faux pas when I told a nice lady from Texas not to call me “sir.”
So: do I address the client formally in these circumstances? Or do I continue to be my uptight-about-lots-of-things-but-not-form-of-address New Englander self? And am I not just being uptight for insisting that people address me casually? For me, it’s a class thing: I chafe at formal modes of address because I chafe at the implied class distinction. For the client? It’s about ettiquette, I think. My professional gut instinct is to try to do whatever makes the client feel most comfortable, which I have to remember isn’t necessarily what would make ME feel most comfortable…
It’s all in how you frame it — they’re just trying to be polite. Say “Please, I prefer if you call me {myfirstname}.” You could follow it up with “I can call you Mr. Lastname or Sir, whichever you prefer.”
Interesting anecdote: my dad and I were at Taste of Syracuse a few years back and some teenager said to me, “Excuse me ma’am but do you have the time?” I checked my watch and told him, my father snickering away. He says to me, “Heh, you just got ma’am’d. Oh….wait. You’re my 26-year-old kid. You just got ma’am’d. God I feel old now.”
In my profession, I get called all sorts of stuff – Ms., Mrs., Nurse, etc. I usually introduce myself at first as Dr. to patients but over time they end up calling me by my first name anyway. Eh. Doesn’t really bother me.
I err on the side of formality due to my upbringing. My mother’s friends? Still Mrs. So and So until THEY correct me. You will note the ones that have corrected me and the ones that haven’t. I am only with calling them Mr. or Mrs. until such time as they scream, “Ugh will you stop with that Mrs.So and So *explitive* , call me Mary.” Which has happened on occasion.
As for your problem/environment, I think erring on the side of formality never hurt anyone and if someone calls you Mr. and you don’t like it CORRECT them. Or they’re just going to keep calling you that.